yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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