who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
