The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
