Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
