If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
