i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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