yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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