he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
