I just threw up on my dentist
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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