Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have fence marks all over my body
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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