I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
