You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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