Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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