Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
