So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
