He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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