Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
