I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
