Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
