Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
