So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
