this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
