Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
