you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
