Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
