There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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