I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
