Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
