There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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