I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
