I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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