She said her name was "party"
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
