Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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