Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
