How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
