I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
