At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
