last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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