Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
