Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
