1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
