I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
