Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
