The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
