First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
