bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize