thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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