You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
