I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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