I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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