i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
