Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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