I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
