remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
