so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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