Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
