i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
