my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
