Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize