if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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