Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They took my balls.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
