This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
