Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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