Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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