I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
