So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
