haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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