My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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