There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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